How smart people handle difficult people in the office

How smart people handle difficult people in the officeHow smart people handle difficult people in the officeDifficult people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other peoples buttons. Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife, and worst of all stress.Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus - an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small arms that brain cells use to communicate with each other), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons. Stress is a formidable threat to your success - when stress gets out of control, your brain and your performance suffer.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders m agazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraMost sources of stress at work are easy to identify. If your non-profit is working to land a grant that your organization needs to function, youre bound to feel stress and likely know how to manage it. Its the unexpected sources of stress that take you by surprise and harm you the most.Recent research from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions - the saatkorn kind of exposure you get when abspracheing with difficult people - caused subjects brains to have a massive stress response. Whether its negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, difficult people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs.The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. Talent Smart has conducted research with mora than a million people, and weve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to neutralize difficult people. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ to keep difficult people at bay.While Ive run across numerous effective strategies that smart people employ when dealing with difficult people, what follows are some of the best. To deal with difficult people effectively, you need an approach that enables you, across the board, to control what you can and eliminate what you cant. The important thing to remember is that you are in control of far more than you realize.They set limitsComplainers and negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often fe el pressure to listen to complainers because they dont want to be seen as callous or rude, but theres a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral.You can avoid this only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way if the complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? Youd distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.They rise aboveDifficult people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. Make no mistake about it their behavior truly goes against reason. So why do you allow yourself to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix? The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their trap s. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like theyre a science project (or youre their shrink, if you prefer the analogy). You dont need to respond to the emotional chaos - only the facts.They stay aware of their emotionsMaintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You cant stop someone from pushing your buttons if you dont recognize when its happening. Sometimes youll find yourself in situations where youll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine and you shouldnt be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.Think of it this way - if a mentally unstable person approaches you on the street and tells you hes John F. Kennedy, youre unlikely to set him straight. When you find yourself with a coworker who is engaged in similarly derailed thinking, sometimes its best to just smile and nod. If youre going to have to straighten them out, its better to give yourself some time to plan the best way to go about it.They establish boundariesThis is the area where most people tend to sell themselves short. They feel like because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos. This couldnt be further from the truth. Once youve found your way to Rise Above a person, youll begin to find their behavior more predictable and easier to understand. This will equip you to think rationally about when and where you have to put up with them and when you dont. For example, even if you work with someone closely on a project team, that doesnt mean that you need to have the same level of one-on-one interaction with them that you have with other team members.You can establish a boundary, but youll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you are bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where youll engage a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos. The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries in place when the person tries to encroach upon them, which they will.They dont die in the fightSmart people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when your foe is a toxic individual. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, youre able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.They dont focus on problems - only solutionsWhere you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems youre facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and reduces stress.When it comes to toxic people, fixating on how crazy and difficult they are gives them pow er over you. Quit thinking about how troubling your difficult person is, and focus instead on how youre going to go about handling them. This makes you more effective by putting you in control, and it will reduce the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them.They dont forgetEmotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesnt mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of whats happened so that you can move on. It doesnt mean youll give a wrongdoer another chance. Smart people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.They squash negative self-talkSometimes you absorb the negativity of other people. Theres nothing wrong with feeling bad about how someone is treating you, but your self-talk (the thoughts you have about your feelings) can either intensify the negativity or help you move past it. Negative self-talk is unrealistic, u nnecessary, and self-defeating. It sends you into a downward emotional spiral that is difficult to pull out of. You should avoid negative self-talk at all costs.They get some sleepIve beaten this one to death over the years and cant say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you dont get enough - or the right kind - of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. A good nights sleep makes you more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to toxic people, giving you the perspective you need to deal effectively with them.They use their support systemIts tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To deal with toxic people, you need to recognize the weaknesses in your approach to them. This means tapping into your support system to gain perspective on a challenging person. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as explaining the situation can lead to a new perspective. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you cant because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation.Bringing it all togetherBefore you get this system to work brilliantly, youre going to have to reisepass some tests. Most of the time, you will find yourself tested by touchy interactions with problem people. Thankfully, the plasticity of the brain allows it to mold and change as you practice new behaviors, even when you fail. Implementing these healthy, stress-relieving techniques for dealing with difficult people will train your brain to handle stress more effectively and decrease the likelihood of ill effects.Travis Bradberry is the co-author ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the co-founder ofTalentSmart.This column first appeared on LinkedIn.

What Not to Say When Negotiating Salary

What Not to Say When Negotiating SalaryWhat Not to Say When Negotiating SalaryWhen it comes to negotiating salary, what you dont say can be as important as what you do say. If youre a poker enthusiast, youre already familiar with the phenomenon The person who blinks or sweats or otherwise loses her composure is going to lose the hand. The same could be said for a in a salary negotiation. To maintain your poker face and get the salary you deserve, you need to practice the art of being quiet unless you have something important to say. Your goal is to speak up only when its time to build your case- and not a second before. This is true whether youre negotiating a new job offer, trying to get a pay raise at your current job, or making a counter offer. Make a plan, and practice your pitch so that youll be comfortable when it comes time to sit down with the person holding the purse strings. There are also a few statements that you should avoid making. We summarize them here and then expand on them below. Dont SayI need more money.I cant afford my expenses.Heres what I made at my last job.Do SayThe salary range for my position in this market is $X$Y.Im able to solve X problems, and people who can do that are worth $Y in the market.No, thank you to an offer thats too low. I Need More Money. Salary negotiations arent about whether you need more money, or even whether you deserve more money. Theyre about whether you can get more money. This means understanding the market and your place in it, and that leveraging that information to your advantage. PayScales Salary Survey generates a free salary report based on your skills, education, job title, and location. Get the data, and you can make a case for why youre worth a raise. (Short version youre able to solve X problems, and people who can do that are worth $Y in the market.) I Cant Afford My Expenses. Your expenses, like the rest of your personal life, are your business and no one elses - least of all, your boss s or the hiring managers. Oversharing not only wont get you more money, but it might also cost you your colleagues respect, and that has a much heftier price tag down the line than any missed opportunity for a pay raise. Bringing personal details into a negotiation tells the other person a few things about you, and none of them good. For example, you might expose yourself as someone who cant manage their personal budget, which will make a manager think twice about putting you in charge of the companys money. Even if your personal situation is no fault of your own, trading in TMI during a salary negotiation shows that you dont have a good sense of professional boundaries, which might make the boss feel uncomfortable working with you. Heres What I Made at My Last Job. This is a tough one because employers love to try to get prospective hires to share their salary history. (At least, where its legal. Several cities and states, including Philadelphia and Massachusetts, have enacted or are considering legislation that would make it illegal to ask candidates about their previous salary.) Your salary history is irrelevant. The employer should be schauplatz compensation for the role based on the duties that are involved in the job, as well as the qualifications needed to do the work. They might also consider factors like market competition, pay-for-performance, and other things that would give them the most bang for their compensation dollar. But your previous employers compensation plan (or lack thereof) shouldnt come into it. Further, if youre female or just starting out your career or both, you have very good reasons not to share your salary history. Its very possible that you were underpaid by previous employers, and felt compelled to take lowball offers because you didnt feel comfortable negotiating. If a hiring manager tries to get you to give your salary history, you can turn the question on its head by asking for the budget for the role. Failing that, you can stall by saying that you need to learn more about the job and its duties before youd have a good idea about whats appropriate. But whatever you do, avoid naming your price. One Final Note About Negotiation Body language speaks louder than words when it comes to professional interactions, so in addition to making sure youre saying the right things, you want to convey the right glaubenszeugnis with your posture, expressions, and gestures. You might consider asking a friend to help you do a practice interview- and filming it, so you can see how youll come across to hiring managers during the interview and negotiation phases. Avoid poor (or too persistent) eye contact, hunched postures, fidgety gestures like picking at your clothes or hair or tapping your feet, or anything that makes it look like youre nervous. Remember that you have a right to be paid appropriately for your work and that its in your bosss and employers best interests to do so. If you can go into the interview r egarding the other person as a negotiating partner, instead of an adversary, it will be a lot easier to relax, smile, and make your case.

5 Steps for Successfully Re-Entering the Workplace

5 Steps for Successfully Re-Entering the Workplace5 Steps for Successfully Re-Entering the Workplace5 Steps for Successfully Re-Entering the WorkplaceNervous about re-entering the workforce? There are things you can do to set yourself up for success. TWEETFor many women, having a family means taking a break from working outside the house. According to a study done by Pew Research Center, 29% of all mothers did not work outside the home in 2012 an increase over 23% in 1997. There are many reasons that explain the trend slow economy and the rising cost of childcare are just two of the factors.As children grow and some moms begin to contemplate returning to the professional workforce, they face unique challenges in their job search. How do you demonstrate you are relevant after being out of the job market for two (or 10) years? Will your career gemeinsame agrarpolitik discourage prospective employers from considering you? Is being a mom a resume killer in todays competitive job market? Far from it. There are things you can do to set yourself up for a successful career re-launch. The key to success is understanding what your prospective employers concerns might be, and structuring your resume and interview responses in a strategic way that will put those concerns to rest.I do not believe that there is a conspiracy to keep moms from returning to the workplace. Hiring managers just want their job openings filled with the best candidates. They might have legitimate hesitations when it comes to considering a candidate who has been out of the workforce for a number of years. Here is a short list of their concerns as they look at your application and notice your eu-agrarpolitik in work historyYou may not be up-to-date on your skills,You may not have kept up on the relevant trends and issues in the industry,You may have difficulty balancing responsibilities at home and outside work.From a hiring managers perspective, the costs of hiring and training a new employee are hig h. He or she doesnt want to make an expensive mistake, and may be inclined to choose a less risky candidate (one with no employment gaps and recent work history).In my experience, it serves you best to address the issue proactively. Here are some steps you might consider.1. Camouflage that career gapConsider using a skills-based resume layout as opposed to a chronological one. It can highlight your transferable skills that line up with the job requirements, and take attention away from the employment gap.I do not recommend putting housekeeping or parenting skills on your resume (or discussing them in an interview) not because I dont believe they are valuable, but because in most cases they are not directly related to the job you are pursuing.Instead, focus on highlighting any relevant experience you may have gained. Did you run a library fundraiser for your childs school? That took business development, people management, and budget skills. It can also show that you have the abilit y to focus and the discipline to see a demanding project through to completion.Consider freelancing, contract work, or volunteering in a related field. Those entries in your career history will confirm that you are serious about returning to work, and have a history of successfully balancing the additional responsibilities with being a parent.2. Stay current on industry trendsThe pace of change around us is staggering. That statement is as true about technology as it is about industry trends. In order to stay relevant and up-to-date, consider joining professional association groups, and make a habit of reviewing industry publications. The time invested into nurturing these connections to the working world can be as little as 3-5 hours per month, and it pays off. Professional groups offer great opportunities for networking, and can give you a weg to practice your pitch and interview skills before you hit the recruiting circuit. 3. Keep your professional skills sharpTechnology changes quickly, and professional muscles go stiff without practice. Look at the skills prospective employers are requiring as a baseline for the openings you would be interested in, and be strategic about highlighting what you have, and acquiring what you are missing. You have many options, from taking a class for a specific skill-set or technology platform to volunteering.4. Be strategic about where your lookIf we take judgment and our opinion of the way the world should be out of the picture, some employers simply want to hire and retain mothers more than others. Strategically, your time is better spent targeting companies where you will be viewed as a valuable addition - not those where you will have to apologize for the time spent raising kids.5. Dig deep and tap into your confidenceEven though this point comes last, it is critically important. Being out of the workforce for several years can make you feel that you are not as qualified as the next candidate. Hiring managers will read that lack of confidence in your cover letter, handshake, or your tone. The best way to combat that is personal clarity on why you are returning to work, and on the value that you will add. This is not about you, but about how you can be of service to your prospective employer.In closing, remember that you do not have to do this alone. There are great resources, online and offline, for moms re-entering the workforce who are concerned about a gap in work history. Here is a short list to get you started. Some of these have a membership fee, while others are free.Womenwork is a company dedicated to keeping women at work through all ages and stages. This website has a curated list of resources for working women, and offers additional benefits for a membership fee. iRelaunch is an online resource with advice for those returning to work.Corpsteam and Mom Corps is a national staffing and search company focusing exclusively on the placement of experienced professionals in fractional, flexibl e and virtual positions.The Glass Hammer is a professional career resource for women.Ellevate network offers online resources for professional women for a membership fee, and can work particularly well if there is a local chapter near you.Consider reconnecting with old mentors, co-workers, or bosses. They can be a valuable source of insight and advice.Let TopResume help you write the next chapter of your career. Heres how.